Happy Pride Month!
There has been a lot of discussion in media these days about Pansexual vs Bisexual, why one and not the other, which one are you and which one you aren’t. Well, as someone who identifies as pansexual and has a bisexual partner, I think I have a little something to say that might help.
You can find definitions for these terms anywhere, I am just here to give an insider perspective.
First off, let’s dispel two major myths. It has been said once, it has been said a hundred times but somehow they seem to continue to stick around and I keep getting the same questions. It is true some people who once identified as pansexual or bisexual did go on to come out as gay or lesbian but that is not the norm. Sexuality is definitely fluid and I am not denying it. For many of us, it is not a way-station before we reach the final ‘gay/lesbian destination’. I am a pansexual woman with a bisexual man and I keep getting asked if I am straight now, but that doesn’t suddenly make us a hetero straight couple. Our identities do not depend on our partner, and we suddenly don’t shed our sexuality just because of who we are with.
It is unbelievable that even in 2018 people think we are ‘kidding ourselves’ by identifying as pan or bi. I am not sure if people are just scared because they are unable to hold onto society imposed rules for individuals or if they are uncomfortable because they can’t ‘figure’ us out (courtesy Carrie Bradshaw for the line). Neither of which makes sense to me. Most of these rules are antiquated and a direct result of deep rooted patriarchy. Gender roles and gender bias are the patriarchy’s way of oppressing women, LGBTQ+ and other marginalized folks. And if you just can’t ‘figure’ someone out, that is hardly their problem. People are not puzzles to be solved or jewelry to be organized. People are people (articulately said by Peter from The Room).
People are ever changing, gender is fluid and sexuality is always evolving. I am a brown, queer, immigrant woman. That is oppression and bias in four different ways. Take a moment to analyze: why there’s so much hatred out there, why all this bias, why are we trying to put people in boxes and why are we forcing others to live by standards only we believe to be true?